i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
