He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
