If you die in college, do you die in real life?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
