so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.