watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.