i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.