i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain