airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!