Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far