we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.