the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
