Someone shit on the floor
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
