saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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