he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
