we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
