i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
