My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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