My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
