Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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