saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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