Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pray to the hookup gods
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
