This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
