I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize