guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
