My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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