he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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