there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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