i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
