HIV tests are more positive than that guy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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