When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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