booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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