Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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