I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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