wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
