Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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