I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
