im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
