I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
