thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
