fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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