Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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