Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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