and you said cock pushups were impossible
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize