I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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