It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
