Will you blow on my dice?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
