we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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