Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
OPIZZABONMYDICK
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
