Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
