My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
