When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
