you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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