party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
someone owes me an orgasm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
