need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
