Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
