Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
