whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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