just tell him i said nine months
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
