All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
