Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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