it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
