Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
