How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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