Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
