Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
