I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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