Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
