i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
