next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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